My last day...

Why is it that not only do I hate the way this new me looks, I hate the emotions that have apparently come with it. I've always been OCD & bummed when things didn't go my way, but never to the point of tears! However, today has just been one of those days. I have no idea what to wear tomorrow - especially in light of my obvious bra-less-ness. Wasn't cancer enough to deal with?

Today wasn't a super day. It started out well enough. Simon & Rachel were great as we piddled around the house this morning. Simon playing w/ his trucks and tractors - Rachel sleeping & giggling randomly. Then once we got in the car it all broke down... I backed my car into Andrew's tractor & put a dent and scrape in my 2009 Dodge Caliber's rear bumper. Then we got to mom's & she wasn't ready to go (I was really early) & Lukas was crying. Then Rachel started crying (at the top of her lungs). Simon joined the group b/c he wouldn't comply w/ a simple request to stay in the house. Mom trotted upstairs to get ready & I was ready to pull what little hair I have (although its growing more every day) before we even left.

Then we got to mom's oncology appointment & were in the waiting room for almost and hour & half. With 3 kids - two babes in arms, it was a struggle. While we were in there Rachel had a diaper malfunction and I got liquid gooey poop on my pants. Not to mention the continual spit-up she kept launching at me. Lukas was actually pretty good once mom put him to sleep & put him back in his car-seat. Simon was pretty good too - doing his comic routine for all the cancer patients (and their family members/friends) in the waiting room.

I needed a chocolate fix, so we went to Dairy Queen. I chose their new blizzard - Ooey Gooey Caramel Brownie... I was disappointed. I expected a LOT more caramel and a lot less big flat chunks of chocolate. The ride home was fairly uneventful... Simon fell asleep w/ his ice-cream cone apparently in mid-lick (mom got several photos).

Then since I was frazzled & mom was generous (as usual) I left the kids w/ her & went home. Andrew was home & I was hoping that meant wonderful (or at least good) things for me, but he was asleep on the couch & never even moved while I walked through the house & in & out several times. I know better than to try to wake him - he's like a bear coming out of hibernation early. So I stayed solitary & read on the front porch.

The good news of the afternoon is that my court for tomorrow is cancelled - the defendants (all 3 of them) apparently decided to plead guilty (yippee)! So tomorrow gets to be a 'normal' work-day! I'm still feeling out of sorts though. I think I've got my clothing situation ok for tomorrow... Its just the rest of my working life that I'm unsure about (at least until I'm allowed to wear bras again). Geez... Well, I need to get off here & go to bed for my early day tomorrow. Wish me luck - I think I'm going to need it!

Last day of freedom...

Well, tomorrow I start work. My very first day will be spent at court. It shouldn't be too bad though since its just chain of custody. Of course, I've not been able to review any of my documentation, but that should only take me a few minutes!

Today the kids & I are going with mom to her 3 month oncologist appointment. She's also going to have Lukas. We'll probably grab a bite to eat & pick one store to shop. Then we'll make our way home.

One of the foobs has moved closer to under my arm-pit (the left one). I also noticed that the right one has rotated about 180 degrees... Don't know what I did, but they're apparently not content to stay in one place. Makes me glad the plastic surgeon is wanting to use round implants. That way they can rotate around at will. The biggest problem will be if they migrate towards my arm-pits. The scabbed areas on the right are finally shrinking too. The main scab went from the size of a nickel to where its now about 1/2 a centimeter by 1 cm (rectangular).

However, I am disappointed to find out that all this time I've been going bra-less its been obvious. No one told me until yesterday when I was talking about how to dress for work. So I've been to church, concerts (religious ones), town, doctors appointments, etc all while it was obvious I wasn't wearing a bra. I was self-conscious enough, but now I'm going to be worse b/c I'm still not allowed to wear a bra (don't want to compromise circulation in any way or irritate the scab to where it comes off prematurely). However, it would have been nice to know earlier so I could at least prepare &/or figure out which shirts do the best job of disguising my bra-less-ness. Sigh... If its not one thing I don't like about my new body, its another. :-(