Surgery date...

I just got the call back from Dr. K at MD Anderson for removing my ovaries. The date is July 6th. I will have pre-op appointments the week before, so most likely I'll be traveling to Houston on my birthday & having my 1st appointment on mom's (sorry mom). However, I'll be almost 1 year to the day since my diagnosis! So on my diagnosis aniversary I will be 'cured' hopefully once & for all! :-)

I thank God for...

Life in general - in another age I could be dead already - not to mention my 6 month old little girl would not have made it either. Although today breast cancer is relatively easily fought & won by many - even a decade ago, my mutation would have meant almost certain death for me & my unborn (at the time) child. So another aspect of this thanksgiving is for those who've pioneered in the treatment of my ailment and found ways to preserve not only my life, but also my child's.

My husband for being my rock, laughter, tease, lover, fellow-Catholic, accountant, and best friend.

My children for blessing my life with their smiles, laughter, and antics.
My family (mom & dad & DH's parents) for being so giving to help us w/ the kiddos while we work.

My job even though I occassionally (ok - most of the time) hate having to leave my family. I am blessed to have steady income, good insurance, and wonderful co-workers who also helped me through this struggle w/ cancer.
For those that have gone before us and are praying for and with us closer to God's ear than we on Earth can hope for.

My Faith, Savior, and Church. Without these rocks of my salvation I would surely have floundered in the deep recesses of my soul.

My BBC & FB & blog friends who've given me untold support all the while demanding nothing of me. I hope that one day I can return even just a paltry portion of this aid to a few of you.

Innermost thoughts?!

Its been a while since I've delved into my inner-most being on here. I try to keep things light-hearted & happy. Not because I'm faking the joy I have in my life, but because I'm trying to focus on the joy and not the doubts, fears, and struggles. Anyway, today I have been beset with thoughts that linger. This is the best way I know to relieve myself of them.

What does your inner voice tell you? Does it tell you you're a wonderful person? Or does yours, like mine, constantly query you as to whether you're the person others see in you? Does your inner voice congratulate you for well-made decisions? Or does yours, like mine, persistently call to mind all the doubts you've had about your decisions? Does your inner voice exude confidence at your image, intellect, and personality? Or does yours, like mine, wonder at the way others must see you? Does your inner voice accuse you of laughing too loud or too hard, of opening your mouth only to display your ignorance, or scoff at your appearance?

Does something like the struggles I've endured in the past year change you? Or does it merely call into the forefront your mortality? Did I really do anything that is all that wonderous? I was diagnosed with breast cancer - millions of women cope with that beast daily. Yes, I was pregnant at my diagnosis - 1 in 3000-3500 women have the same fate. I endured (yes I will at least give myself that much) chemotherapy and the endless paranoia associated with uncertainty. As a matter of fact, I'm still confronted w/ uncertainty and a decision that will forever change my life. However, I did not do it like a lamb lead to slaughter - opening not my mouth as the Prophet said of Jesus. No, I opened my mouth and sought compassion and commiseration.

I don't feel that I've done anything out of the ordinary. Actually, most of the time I feel that I called too much on my family & friends to support me. Every one I know has their own crosses to carry, yet I often-times know nothing of their struggles. They don't seek out my advice or comfort. I am too oblvious to notice. Although I now feel like I've experience more of life, I am still oblivious to others struggles it seems. I truly want to help others. I can acknowledge that sometimes just being up-beat (and oblivous) can help others through their dark times. However, I like to do concrete things. It just seems that I'm too selfish & caught up in solving my own problems (as if I can solve them) to help someone else attend to theirs. So take this as my humble plea and vow to offer solace where I've sought it. I truly appreciate everything that has been done for me & wish to return the favor if possible. You have but to ask.