Pecs/breasts of steel!

You know how they have exercise regimens for "Abs of Steel" & "Buns of Steel"? Well, I have a regimen that I DO NOT recommend for 'Pecs/breasts of Steel'! You should see the ripples when I flex my muscles... Not a pretty sight! ;-)

I am so embarrassed & you guys are the only ones I'll admit it to... Yesterday, when the pediatricians office told me the kids appointments weren't until today I was sure they were yesterday. Well, it turns out they WERE supposed to be today! The reminder on my phone went off this afternoon! I don't feel too bad b/c I KNOW I got a phone call from them Monday telling me the appointments were on Tuesday. However, it is pretty embarrassing regardless!

Had a day w/ the kiddos today. I pushed the big stroller up to mom's w/ Rachel in it. For some unknown reason I can apparently feed Lukas (my nephew) better than my mom, so that was my 1st order of business. Another unknown reason kind of thing is that my mom can make Rachel quiet down when she won't even begin to respond to me! So that was one of mom's tasks! Otherwise we had a good time playing outside once the big-kids woke up from their nap.

Although I'm still pretty much hating the foobs, the pain is mostly going away. Tuesday I found a couple of dresses with my mother-in-law for Easter... Now the big decision is which dress makes me look the slimmest and disguises the foobs best. My mom and Abby (niece) have their favorite. I'll have to ask Andrew next. I found out really quickly after going through my closet that one of the biggest differences between real breasts & these foobs I have for now is that real breasts have a certain amount of compress-ability. Even if a top is a bit too small, real breasts can compensate by spreading out. However, my breasts of steel are always the same. The implants are supposed to be quite a bit more like real breasts, so hopefully I'll be happier w/ them.

Speaking of the implants, I emailed both my plastic surgeon and the gynecologic oncologist offices last night. It looks like I'll be free to have my combined surgery sometime in early July. The gyn-onc is actually available starting in June (she's on maternity leave until then), but I'd rather be not in post-surgery pain for my birthday. Of course, I could try to schedule the surgery for early June & hope the pain is gone by my b-day and have more 'normal' foobs. However, from what I've read it can take months for even the implants to feel more normal, so I think I'm going to wait until after my b-day! I'll be 29 this year... If I have the surgery on the day I want, it'll be almost exactly a year (just needs one more day) from my diagnosis. That means I'll have started & hopefully mostly finished this journey in a year! Its been a long one, but I'm making it. Thanks for all the support guys!

Reconcile yourself

Well, today I rested. I still don't feel great, but I guess maybe I'm not as bad as I was. Mother Nature is definitely taking her pound of blood from me though! I met w/ my Creighton Instructor today & even though I'm limited for how long I'll be doing this, it is nice to know the information so I can spread the word! We also went to the Sacrament of Reconciliation tonight. It was Andrew's first one. I tend to avoid this Sacrament b/c I have too much pride to tell another human my faults and weaknesses. However, tonight's Confession seems to have made me feel better.

What a wonderful thing. It is nice to know that even though we have sinful natures, we are always allowed access to the Sacrament of Reconciliation to reconcile with God and beg His forgiveness. While it may seem possible (no doubt easier) to do this one-on-one with God, adding in another human as a 'stand-in' for God (as well as a human who's been there done that & can give advice) gives the whole reconciliation aspect new meaning. You must first humble yourself before you can truly admit fault. You must first humble yourself to discuss your faults. The courage that it takes to do this can only come from God. The ability to discern your faults is a sign of a developing conscience. Having a 'stand-in' for God allows you to understand that this is a step forward and to ensure that you don't go too far. In other words, the Sacrament of Reconciliation uses the priest (the 'stand-in' for God) to help you mend your relationship with God through humility, courage, and conscience. I don't think its truly possible to do that on your own...

My apologies & appreciation!

I'm sorry for the downer post yesterday. I was feeling really down. I think it worked out ok today though. I'm still not thrilled w/ my new body, but I have a little bit of a better understanding right now of 1) why I felt that way last night & 2) that even if *I* hate my body, no one else sees it like I do. Andrew (and lots of others) were very sweet to me last night! I really appreciate it.

I'm still feeling bad (hurting a lot) right now, so I'm actually going to send both the kiddos to my mother-in-law tomorrow. That's a first EVER! Hopefully I'll feel better by Tuesday - they both have doctor's appointments.