Thursday, January 26, 2012

Prayers please...

I need you guys to storm Heaven for me really, *really*, REALLY badly. Please. Thank you!

Sunday, January 22, 2012

This day through the years...

Five years ago on this day I was lounging on the couch recuperating from my first of 4 miscarriages. At the time, I gave little thought to the significance of the day. I was heartbroken and distraught from my body's inability to sustain the life that my husband and I co-created out of love.

Four years ago on this day I was 8 months pregnant with my son. He had two siblings in heaven watching over us and guiding him in the ways of the saints. My husband and I were in a tizzy of preparation for the blessed day. Millions of women on that day were celebrating their 'freedom of choice' or protesting the barbaric practice of abortion put in place on this day.

Three years ago I was once again in recuperating mode after losing a fourth child and almost my own life. I was dreading further conceptions, but placed my trust in God and the loving man He gave me. Our son was preparing for his first birthday. We had been blessed as we were also saddled with difficulties. In that same year, I was faced with a 'choice' concerning my life and my unborn child's life. You see, I was 28 years old and pregnant for the 6th time in 4 years. I had a 2.5 cm tumor in my breast at 20 weeks pregnant. Everyone was stunned. No one knew what could be done. No one knew if either of us could survive together or separately. Due to the decision made 39 years ago today, I was tentatively offer the choice to eliminate my baby so I could undergo cancer treatment. The thought was so repugnant to me that I felt sick to my stomach.

I had already fought for this precious life in my womb. To carry this baby I had endured progesterone shots and suppositories. I had given up my favorite drinks: Cherry Coke and honey whiskey (separately). I had prepared my 18 month old son for a sibling. I withstood the anxiety of the first 12 weeks knowing that at any point this life within me could be snuffed out by my body's inadequacies as 4 previous lives had been.

How could ANYONE snuff an innocent life on the none-to-certain possibility that my cancer would be treatable? How could ANYONE knowingly choose to end a life after going through the pain (emotional and physical) of a miscarriage? How could ANYONE deny the fundamental fact that, as a woman, my body was designed to carry, protect, and nourish the most vulnerable of our species?

I NEVER considered ending the life within me. That was not a choice because death is not a choice for humans to make -- it is our Creators choice. I girded up my loins and prepared to battle for both of our lives. As I lay in bed with my now 2 year old daughter, I have no regrets. Both of us did more than just survive. She's a thriving, living, learning, talking, moving miracle even as she lays snoring by my side. I am such a different woman than I was on this day 3 years ago. I am blessed with 4 saintly babies in Heaven praying for me, my husband, and their siblings. I have 2 earthly saints-in-devils-clothing children continually trying my patience and warming my heart. I have a loving, patient, long-suffering husband who has also met our challenges head-on. I have a long list of loving family members and friends who have helped tremendously as we've faced our challenges. We all know that my 'choice' was really not between life and death for my daughter; it was about how my attitude would be as we fought.

So, when a pro-abort uses the term choice, ask them, as you think of stories like mine, 'What do they really mean by choice?'

Friday, January 13, 2012

Games and merchandise = Support???

A friend of mine posted about the newest game on FB of putting your location and time you've been there as your status in support of breast cancer... She was disgusted and here's my take on it too! (Hint: If you read my rant on FB, skip to the bottom of this post!)

I've been in Hell for 28 months or so! Breast cancer is NOT a game. I think a lot of the "awareness" is just a covert way to talk about boobs without taboo. If there are people out there who are unaware of breast cancer must be hiding under rocks or have rocks for brains! I understand being surprised that it hits young, while pregnant, or even men; but, really??? How can you NOT already be aware of the cancer that is breast cancer??? Plus this type of awareness does NOTHING for those dealing with a breast cancer diagnosis. Buying pink appliances, shoes, bracelets, etc seldom actually does NOTHING for those of us unfortunate enough to suffer from this disease.

To me, all the pink merchandise, games, plays on words, etc trivialize our journeys. People that actually want to affect those in the trenches would be best served by offering donations to individuals, providing services (like child-care, house-cleaning, etc), or organizing similar things. Even a simple email, text, or wall post can help when you're in the throes of despair after your diagnosis, at your continued infirmity, or as a caretaker.

Life for someone diagnosed with cancer (any type) will NEVER be the same! Seemingly easy tasks can be insurmountable even if to an outside eye, the person 'looks' healthy. Appearances ARE deceiving. I think that's most true in survivors because we've learned to bear our diagnosis and appear normal and strong to everyone else.

Some may be comforted by the thought of people rallying behind a game or colored merchandise. However, I (& most of the survivors I know) are far too cynical and knowledgable about the inadequacy of these efforts. Anyone willing to do a little research will find that in most cases pink merchandise and awareness games, messages, or programs typically only pay the wages of those responsible for the organization. Be a true supporter and find someone locally struggling with a diagnosis to throw your money, time, prayers, and effort behind their struggle!

Sorry, I'll get off my soap-box now. <3 you!! I know many of you have done all of the above for me. I cannot thank you enough! It's impossible to imagine where I'd be without the tremendous outpouring of support I've been privy to. I appreciate every gesture of support that is directed at me -- even the ones I rail against. I appreciate those efforts too because every good wish, thought, memory, and prayer adds up to the Guy Upstairs! He knows what's in your heart as you do what you do. I just know that without Him and people like you I'd be nothing!!!

My Chemo-Jane hair-style

My Chemo-Jane hair-style
I just had to have my mom buzz my hair because it was falling out so badly.

Pre-op wearing my hand-crocheted cap with my prayer shawl.

Pre-op wearing my hand-crocheted cap with my prayer shawl.
My loving husband is watching me distract myself with a game on his iPhone.

2 days after my BMX w/ 100ccs in the TEs

2 days after my BMX w/ 100ccs in the TEs
I even have a fashionable belt to hold up my drains.

3 weeks post-op w/ 400ccs in each TE

3 weeks post-op w/ 400ccs in each TE
The smile is fake because the TEs were irritating!