Three Long Years Ago...

What a difference three years makes. This time three years ago I was bald, pregnant, and living with breast cancer treatments. For Halloween, I painted my 8-month belly as a turkey in honor of the due date of my baby girl. That year's Thanksgiving was especially well observed by my family and friends as we welcomed my baby girl, celebrated her daddy's birthday, were amazed at our survival of a breast cancer diagnosis at 20 weeks pregnant, as well as enjoyed usual Thanksgiving traditions.

Two years ago, I was recovering from an emergency hysterectomy precipitated by an abscess formed during my oophorectomy a month prior. The oophorectomy was a preemptive move to avoid ovarian cancer that so often goes along with BRCA1 breast cancer genes. I also had the honor of being blessed with the gift of the Right to Life of Owensboro's Life Award for my pro-life and pro-woman journey through breast cancer while pregnant. My children were well on their way to charming anyone within distance of the two year old boy and almost one year old girl.

One year ago, I was in a hospital in Houston, TX recovering from my third reconstructive surgery. This third surgery was one of my last steps to completely overcome the obstacle of my journey with breast cancer. I had my modified radical mastectomy when my daughter was about three months old. However, the second surgery, replacement of the expander implants with regular implants, had the unforeseen consequence of causing further pain. In an effort to recover from the pain, I chose to have the implants completely removed and use my own abdominal fat tissue to reconstruct my breasts. The surgery was long, difficult, and painful, but resolved some of the pain issues. Shortly before this surgery, I was again honored. This time the honor came from the Kentucky Cancer Program. Rachel and I were selected to be representatives of the Faces of Cancer photography series.

Five months ago, I had my last surgery (I hope and pray) connected to my breast cancer diagnosis. This last surgery gave (Dr) Adams (back) my first rib. Again, this surgery was a last-ditch effort to resolve the pain that hadn't loosened its grip on me since my mastectomy.  I had finally been diagnosed with something "treatable" instead of chronic idiopathic pain. Although Thoracic Outlet Syndrome isn't truly "curable" it is treatable with surgery, physical therapy, and time.

Just this past week, I had my four month check-up with my oncologist. He gave me an all-clear for another four months. Although no one really thinks I'll be diagnosed with cancer again, these appointments make me very nervous. That same day I also took the opportunity to peek through an open window as the door closes on another aspect of my life. 

In less than a month, my miracle baby will turn three. Time really does fly when you're having fun. Both of my children give me such joy and are so much fun that time with them seems truly fleeting. As my children blur in photographs, so too do the misfortunes that have faced me, my family, and my friends these past three years.

Since my diagnosis that fateful July day, I have tried to live my life as if each day is my last. I praise God for all the wonderful people He surrounded me with through this difficult time. He also gets many thanks for the blessings of my two very healthy (some might even say robust) children. My husband and I know that we are triply blessed to have three sets of very active grandparents to help us care for our babies. We also offer thanks for our joining our lives as one. Above all, each and every day is an opportunity to praise God for the most important gift of all: LIFE!

Merry Christmas Eve

God bless you! May Mary, the Mother of God, hold your hand through your trials... I always think of her at 9 months pregnant riding a donkey cross-country and then being forced to give birth in a stable without her womenfolk to support her. In those times I think typically a woman would be surrounded by her kinswomen, a learned woman (doula or midwife), and fellow villager women. However, Mary gave all that up because of the emperor's census. She travelled with Joseph on a donkey -- they were probably very fortunate to have one -- across country. It must have been a terrible and terrifying time, but she knew the Savior was going to be the result.

Two months ago I was in Houston preparing for major surgery.I was in a lot of pain and very anxious for the pain and surgery to be over. The surgery was relatively quick, but the pain (mostly from the surgery) is a continuing trial. The severe pain issues from before the surgery have dissipated for the most part. My collarbones don't feel like they're being pulled down my chest unless I over-use them. My arms are weak, but the nerves are stretching and hopefully healing properly. Physical therapy has carried me a l-o-n-g way towards recovery. I will never be as I was, but with this physical therapy I am doing so much better. In a little less than 6 weeks I've gone from being unable to lay flat (on my back, no attempts on my stomach) to being able to lay on my stomach while raising my upper body by my arms. That is a HUGE difference.

That's not to say that PT is all rainbows and unicorns... Some of the exercises and manipulations are terribly painful. I've got scar tissue/adhesions between the muscles and skin that constantly work against standing up straight. On area on my left is so painful that it feels a bit like when my appendix was inflamed. In order to eliminate the adhesion I have to press on it where it hurts the most and hold pressure on it for 90 seconds. That is the longest 90 seconds I've encountered for a long time! Thursday at PT Simon got to help by doing the pushing on my sore spot. He thought it was great and funny, I thought it was typical and torture!

May this procedure (surgery and PT) be my savior from my problems!

I also want to say Thank you to everyone who has contributed to my journey. I've been trying to send Christmas cards to those who send me notes, cards, or contributions, but I am a failure at correspondence. Believe me, I am so grateful for every little thing that everyone has done for me that I'd love to write notes to each and every one of you. The sad fact is that I don't because I get caught up in everything else going on: Christmas, kids, house, work, etc. It's no excuse really, but , that's what it is. I apologize if I've left you out... I plan on trying to write more cards before the New Year. God bless you all and Merry Christmas!!

Home Sweet KY!!!

Today I was released from TX!!! Yippee!!

I also met with a physical rehabilitation (Supportive Care) doctor. After performing a difficult (due to my abdominal restrictions) exam, the doctor spoke to me about my pain issues. He indicated that there may be some nerve damage &/or some muscular deficits from the mastectomy. Time will tell whether the surgery and physical therapy will be successful at eliminating this chronic pain. Hopefully by the end of my recovery period I will know the full extent if this latest adventure's success (or failure). My surgeon told me to think only of the positives. He commented that I was healing "remarkably well" as my stitches and the wires on my arteries were removed.

We have just returned to KY (at 5 am after driving all night). In 6-8 weeks I will have another follow-up appointment with the surgeon and physical rehabilitation doctor in TX. In this 6-8 weeks I plan to rest and rehabilitate. I will be seeking out physical therapy & some more diagnostic tests locally. I intend to rest first to recover from this traumatic surgery. Then I plan to throw myself into rehabilitation with my customary gusto.

I have received some kind emails from various individuals and groups, including some fellow KSP employees. I am grateful and humbled by any show of support. This support means more to me than I can say. Please keep it coming because this journey is still not over. Without support from people like you, I would not be able to do as well as I do. Thank you!

Memories...

I have little recollection of Friday and Saturday. Sunday, I remember quite well, even though I'd rather forget it. My surgery Friday was successful from the surgeons viewpoint. I haven't had any signs of infection or flap loss. The jury is still out as to the success of this surgery of relieving my chronic pain. As of Monday I just started to get some of the numbness & tingling feeling in my left arm. However, my collar bones aren't hurting. Sunday was really bad. Apparently, my body objects to anesthesia very violently on the second post-op day. I was retching so violently that my nose bled. Bleh. However, Monday I was awake from 5 am till 12 pm & did 4 laps around the nursing station. I ate & did all those things the doctors require post-op. I had 4 drains -- one lower left abdomen, one lower right abdomen, one left foob, & one right foob. The drains have been switched out for smaller ones too. Tuesday one of my drains was removed & the wires on my transplanted arteries were disconnected (the wires let the doctors hear the blood-flow). According to my doctors everything is looking good. I was released to the hotel mid-afternoon on Tuesday. When my other drains produce less than 20mL if swelling fluid for 2 days they can be taken out. It's looking like I'll go in Friday for drain removal. I have 2 appointments Monday & then we'll start the long trip home. My hopes are still high that at least some of my pain will be relieved from this surgery, but only time will tell. Thank you for all the prayers & thoughts!

Waiting in PACU

Right now I'm in the pre-op holding area waiting for my IV and then surgery.