Wednesday, August 1, 2012
I'm not feeling very well right now, so be forewarned, this isn't going to be a cheerful post. :-/
As I looked at myself in the mirror this morning and again tonight, my appearance (to me) is sadly lacking. I'm not talking about the "wings" I still have from my "tummy-tuck-boob-job reconstruction" or the significantly smaller breasts that resulted from that surgery. I'm not talking about the years (I feel) that have aged my face. I'm talking about the fact that washing my not-even-shoulder-length hair is a task I leave until absolutely necessary. I'm talking about the dresses I wear so the pain of my abdominal scar doesn't get too bad to bear. I'm talking about the swelling above my left collar-bone from my most recent surgery. I'm talking about the exhaustion in my eyes from fighting day in and day out to regain normalcy. Then, just under the surface, lies the nearly chronically upset stomach (caused by stress) and the tension in my shoulders, neck, and back.
Most people don't see any of the above as significant. They see that I present myself to the best of my ability and either think I lack style, class, or care; or they don't even notice the deficiencies I mentioned. When I'm feeling low, as I am now, it's so difficult for me to see past my struggles, As much as I don't want pity, I do wish for understanding. There are some in my life who deny that my life hasn't returned to normal. There are others that sincerely support me through the good and bad, I thank God daily for those in the second group as I dread my interactions with those in the first group.