Three Long Years Ago...

What a difference three years makes. This time three years ago I was bald, pregnant, and living with breast cancer treatments. For Halloween, I painted my 8-month belly as a turkey in honor of the due date of my baby girl. That year's Thanksgiving was especially well observed by my family and friends as we welcomed my baby girl, celebrated her daddy's birthday, were amazed at our survival of a breast cancer diagnosis at 20 weeks pregnant, as well as enjoyed usual Thanksgiving traditions.

Two years ago, I was recovering from an emergency hysterectomy precipitated by an abscess formed during my oophorectomy a month prior. The oophorectomy was a preemptive move to avoid ovarian cancer that so often goes along with BRCA1 breast cancer genes. I also had the honor of being blessed with the gift of the Right to Life of Owensboro's Life Award for my pro-life and pro-woman journey through breast cancer while pregnant. My children were well on their way to charming anyone within distance of the two year old boy and almost one year old girl.

One year ago, I was in a hospital in Houston, TX recovering from my third reconstructive surgery. This third surgery was one of my last steps to completely overcome the obstacle of my journey with breast cancer. I had my modified radical mastectomy when my daughter was about three months old. However, the second surgery, replacement of the expander implants with regular implants, had the unforeseen consequence of causing further pain. In an effort to recover from the pain, I chose to have the implants completely removed and use my own abdominal fat tissue to reconstruct my breasts. The surgery was long, difficult, and painful, but resolved some of the pain issues. Shortly before this surgery, I was again honored. This time the honor came from the Kentucky Cancer Program. Rachel and I were selected to be representatives of the Faces of Cancer photography series.

Five months ago, I had my last surgery (I hope and pray) connected to my breast cancer diagnosis. This last surgery gave (Dr) Adams (back) my first rib. Again, this surgery was a last-ditch effort to resolve the pain that hadn't loosened its grip on me since my mastectomy.  I had finally been diagnosed with something "treatable" instead of chronic idiopathic pain. Although Thoracic Outlet Syndrome isn't truly "curable" it is treatable with surgery, physical therapy, and time.

Just this past week, I had my four month check-up with my oncologist. He gave me an all-clear for another four months. Although no one really thinks I'll be diagnosed with cancer again, these appointments make me very nervous. That same day I also took the opportunity to peek through an open window as the door closes on another aspect of my life. 

In less than a month, my miracle baby will turn three. Time really does fly when you're having fun. Both of my children give me such joy and are so much fun that time with them seems truly fleeting. As my children blur in photographs, so too do the misfortunes that have faced me, my family, and my friends these past three years.

Since my diagnosis that fateful July day, I have tried to live my life as if each day is my last. I praise God for all the wonderful people He surrounded me with through this difficult time. He also gets many thanks for the blessings of my two very healthy (some might even say robust) children. My husband and I know that we are triply blessed to have three sets of very active grandparents to help us care for our babies. We also offer thanks for our joining our lives as one. Above all, each and every day is an opportunity to praise God for the most important gift of all: LIFE!

Cancer...

I thought of something the other day. Cancer sucks. Everyone - even those who haven't ever had it or had a close family member with it (are there such lucky people?) knows that. Some of us unlucky ones are genetically predisposed to getting stricken with this calamity. There is absolutely nothing we can do about it but wait or take drastic measures (prophylactic surgeries, prophylactic drugs, etc). Many of us make extremely difficult decisions regarding our risk of contracting this serious disease, some even before a diagnosis is made. Then there are other people who seem to do almost everything they can *to contract* this disease. They smoke, they take medications known to cause or increase risk of cancer, they use chewing tobacco or snuff/dip, etc. At this moment in my life, I'm have a really difficult time feeling compassion for these people who are consciously putting their momentary pleasure over their life-long health.

I'm not the healthiest individual in the world, so I'm not trying to cast stones from a glass house. I could eat more healthy, exercise more regularly, etc. However, in the big scheme of things, baring my cancer, I don't have any of the vices known to cause/increase risk of cancer nor have I taken drugs known to cause/increase risk of cancer (with the possible exception of my chemotherapy). I've also had to make the difficult decision to have healthy (for the most part) parts of my body removed - one cancer-free breast, two cancer-free ovaries & tubes, and one cancer-free uterus. According to my research and breast oncologist from MD Anderson, nothing but my genetics & bad luck caused my breast cancer to appear as early as it did.

Now don't get me wrong, I'm not saying that anyone who does the above actions deserves cancer or is any less unlucky than I was to get cancer. What I'm saying is that I don't understand *why* they put themselves at this increased risk seemingly on purpose. Something I understand even less is that the theoretically well-meaning organizations promote some of the drugs/actions known to increase risk of/cause certain cancers. Then you have parents who instead of researching themselves, follow the advice of these organizations for their unwitting children.

Lately even the CDC has gotten into the act by recommending all school-aged children (about 9 years old & up), get the Human papilloma virus vaccine. They're touting it as the vaccine against cervical cancer. However, the truth of the matter is that the disease it prevents is a sexually transmitted disease - genital warts - that can increase risk of cervical cancer. Not to mention that the vaccine itself has been shown to *kill* those that receive it. The best way to prevent getting cervical cancer caused by the STD herpes is to keep your pants on until you're married. Of course, no one makes any money or fame with that suggestion.

Another organization that is *not* practicing what they preach is Planned Parenthood ( I already disrespect PP due to their abortion stance). Many organizations, including American Cancer Society, Susan G. Komen, and other breast cancer prevention groups, donate money to PP in the interest of doing breast cancer screening. However, two of the biggest money-makers and most frequently used services of PP - birth control drugs & abortion - have been found to *increase* the risk of breast cancer. So, if these organizations were truly interested in preventing breast cancer, they'd decrease their promotion of these things and offer instead training/classes in NFP and contacts for adoption. However, these options aren't going to generate money or fame either. So they'll keep to the easy alternatives - drugs & death.

On the mend, but another one bites the dust?

Rachel's having some problems. She's been diagnosed w/ eczema for her scalp at her 1 month or maybe it was her 2 month appointment. However, she is now covered on probably 70-75% of her body with a rash. She's not been on any antibiotics and I'm using All Free & Clear plus vinegar rinse water (no fabric softener). She is actually coordinated enough to scratch herself - especially her exposed head. She dug in one night & now looks like someone took a miniature rake to her head. I've got her in mittens, but she's already (after one night) figured out how to take them off pretty quickly. The pediatrician's office called in a prescription steroid cream for her, but we can't pick it up until tomorrow. Plus, it kind of worries me b/c the nurse was *really* serious when she said Rachel could only have it on her body twice a day for a week out of a month and on her face only once. Its not a strong percentage of steroid, but I guess w/ her small body size & such there are lots of risks.

Of course, me w/ my mommy guilt and what my co-workers call my need to confess, I'm paranoid that somehow her skin problem was caused by my chemo. I know its almost been 4 months (will be on Friday), but some of these chemo drugs are supposed to stay in your system for a *really* long time! I mean, they've told me (actually scared me & Andrew to death) that I can't/shouldn't get pregnant for the next 2 years b/c of the high risk of me bleeding out, miscarriage (I already have a 4 out of 6 track record on that), and/or serious birth defects. They also all laugh and dismiss me b/c Andrew & I don't practice barrier or chemical birth control. We use the Creighton Model of Natural Family Planning (CrMS).

Now, before you too scoff at this idea, let me explain something to you... The statistics that you know (and everyone loves to bandy about) for barrier and/or chemical birth control methods are for "perfect" use. I don't know about you, but I'm certainly not perfect. However, w/ CrMS the practical use statistic is above 80%. The practical use of the pill is around 70% I think... Condoms are *way* worse - something like 40% or less. Here's a random website I found that gives some of the success/failure rates. Of course, this site (and most like it) neglects to mention the unintended chemical abortions that occur w/ IUDs and hormone birth control. Not to mention the effects of these non-natural methods of birth control on the environment, women's health, men's health, etc. Afterall, where do those condom's go? Where do the hormones the woman's body doesn't use go? (The answer to this one is into the toilet, through the sewage system that does *not* typically try to remove hormones, and back into your drinking water, etc.) What havoc can these hormones cause women while they're initially ingesting them? What happens when unsuspecting men & women (infants, toddlers, children, teens, etc) drink contaminated water, etc? My method (and I'd say any method) of NFP does NONE of that. Instead it uses our bodies in the way they were designed! Yes, it can be difficult to abstain, but people abstain all the time in the name of losing weight, saving up for a big purchase, etc. Why can't we control our sexual appetites - and have it be considered normal - in the same ways? Children are a blessing - not a curse. When I see a woman with multiple children (ie more than 2) I'm especially pleased because children are our future and blessings in our lives no matter how difficult it seems.

Sorry - I didn't really mean to go on such a tangent, but I'm *REALLY* tired of hearing doctors and other women scoff at *my choice* of birth control when they don't know the facts themselves. Of course, this could lead me to another tangent - "a woman's choice" - but I'll try to save you that! ;-) I have a degree in Molecular Biology. I *love* to do research online for articles about things like this. I *love* to investigate things that are important to me. My health is *very* important to me - otherwise I wouldn't be sitting here w/ these rocks on my chest instead of real breasts taking medications that I hate. I feel that people generally would much rather take the easy path & either ridicule those of us that use NFP (whatever method) or simply ignore the fact that NFP even exists.

Of course, I'm also blaming Rachel's skin problems partially on the fact that she's a formula baby & not a breast-fed one. Simon was *really* healthy & any time he got clogged up or had a slight rash I'd administer some breast-milk appropriately (but not by mouth if you get my meaning). It would clear up very quickly. So poor little Rachel has at least 2 things going against her.