Every time I climb up I feel like I get knocked down

I promised myself I wouldn't whine anymore. I guess I lied to myself. This is my outlet - I'm sorry! I apologize. If you don't want to read whining, please skip this post.

I'm still suffering from revenge of my oophorectomy/hysterectomy... This time I think its developed into a kidney infection. I'm still sore in my lower abdomen. I can deal with that. However, now I'm even more tender & its spread around my back. That plus some other unpleasant symptoms of the infection are tormenting me. I've got a call into my doctor about it. :-/ I'm taking an antibiotic that might be making me feel worse instead of better.

I'm still dealing with the hot-flashes & panic attacks. For the most part, I'm ok with the hot-flashes. I actually was thinking last week that they were getting better. However, this afternoon my granddaddy (my dad's dad) came over to mom's. It was the usual craziness with my brother & sister-in-law, their kids (Abby 4 yo, Sarah 2 yo, & Lukas almost 1 yo), my 2 kiddos, mom & dad. Generally I'm in the center of the action willingly. Instead, I had a hot-flash & even though I've learned to control my panic somewhat, all I wanted was to go outside by myself. I handled it, but it definitely wasn't pleasant.

The rest of the time was great though, so don't think its all miserable. I love spending time w/ the family - especially ones like granddaddy that we don't get to see very often. Its also great to share time with my brother's family & mom & dad. My biggest wish is to control these hot-flash/panic attacks a bit more & get to the end of the revenge of the gynecological surgeries.