Due to the physical therapy, I am finally able to lay on my stomach! :-D it has been over 2 years since I could do that. Initially I couldn't lay on my stomach because I was pregnant. then I had my first surgery (mastectomy & expander reconstruction). Once I healed a bit from that, I began to have the expanders filled. Those things were WAY too hard to lay on! I had those for almost a full year. Then with the 'real' implants, they were too uncomfortable to lay on too. Now, the tension in the skin of my abdomen & incisions have kept me on my back &/or side. However, the PT has stretched me enough & softened the scar tissue of the incisions enough for me to sleep like God intended me to -- on my belly!
Too bad I still have to wear a bra 24/7. :-/ I have been wearing a bra 24/7 for 2 years as well. Again, initially it was caused by my pregnancy/baby. I had to bind my breasts to reduce milk production. Then the same surgeries require the constant support of a bra. However, these more natural & smaller foobs are infinitely easier to put in a bra.
On a troublesome note, I just found out my donated time is running short already. :-( However, I am very grateful for the donations I received! :-) With the wonderful people that donated, I have been able to keep our household of 4 afloat through this difficult time. God truly does provide if you ask sincerely & turn your cares over to him.
I have at least 2 more weeks of PT 3 times a week. Those 2 weeks (including this one) are also my last 2 weeks of complete time off from work. When I drop down to only 2 sessions a week (for an indeterminate time), I will have to juggle work & the rest of my rehabilitation. At this moment I am unsure how to best do that to give work 100% AND also give my rehabilitation 100%. Hopefully a good solution will be acceptable to all.
The physical therapist seems very pleased with my progress thus far. She is also very optimistic that she can help me resolve the numbness & tingling/burning in my arms & hands. She says the nerves have shortened & need very slow, careful, consistent stretching to reach 'normal' length again. I have at least 20 minutes of 'homework' that i must do twice a day every day to continue my rehab. Thankfully, my collar-bones haven't been nearly as sore as prior to this last surgery. However, she is also working with me to get my chest in better shape. Eventually, she thinks I will be almost as good as new.
She has been doing a combination of some massage techniques as well as stretching exercises. My left side is the worst in almost all aspects. Over the past 21 months, I have almost constantly favored my left side. I've been trying to protect myself from the constant pain & irritation of all that has been done to me. The skin covering my ribs, chest, & abdomen has stiffened & attached itself to the underlying tissues. In some cases the underlying tissue is very close to bone & therefore almost immovable. Either as an effect of that or due to not fully utilizing my left side, my rib cage doesn't "spring" as it should. In other words, when I try to take a deep breath my ribs don't expand -- especially on the left. This has also been complicated by the skin removed from my abdomen tightening all my skin. When I pull down on the skin covering my abdomen, all the skin above it (chest, neck, etc) moves. In a 'normal' person, the skin smoothly glides & doesn't affect such a large area of the body. This skin tension limits movement a great deal. as far as the nerves (& blood vessels) go, they are so shortened that when I raise my arms to shoulder height, the pulse in my wrists disappears for several seconds (definitely NOT supposed to happen). Standing in a doorway, pressing my elbows at about shoulder height into the doors lets me feel the blood rushing out of my hands. As the blood leaves my hands, they get cold & quickly begin burning/tingling & growing numb (again NOT supposed to happen). There are other things she has told me, but these are the biggies for me. I'll continue working with her until I'm better or she gives up on me.
My worst fear (besides the pain remaining) is that I'll push myself too hard too fast as I tend to do. Historically, I have always been in a hurry to get back to my 'normal'. After my knee surgery in high school, I pushed myself so that in 3 months not only was I running again; I was doing 300 meter hurdles at the regional competition. That resulted in 2 more surgeries on the same knee. After my mastectomy & second reconstruction, I rushed back to work, but ended up in excruciating pain & in difficulty with work. This time I'm trying to take it slow, but our finances require that I return to work ASAP. It's a conundrum, but I'm going to try to put it in God's hands.
Hopefully clear communication (guided by the Holy Spirit) will help everyone involved understand the full situation so no one gets fooled by my supposed 'normal' looks & actions. I've been told that I make it look too easy, so people tend to think I'm much better off than in truth. However, it goes against my nature to "wear sack-cloth & ashes" (scriptural reference) just to elicit sympathy. I will hurt myself before I neglect my obligations. However, the best option is to not hurt myself, but have an understanding with everyone involved with my situation. Hopefully, this is not impossible.
Thanks for everything!
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