Going with the Flow or Lack Thereof...

I am still in need of prayers it seems... My work life hasn't gotten any better regardless of my intentions, attention to details, and prayers. Today I got bad health news again. My mastectomy apparently took more than just my breasts... For almost 3 years I have had pain and numbness/tingling in my arms -- especially the left -- that has gotten worse and worse with time. Sometimes these issues cause enough of a problem that performing normal activities is impossible. Other times, I cope so well that there is no noticeable dysfunction, although I am always conscious of a deficit. These issues with my arms are the root cause of my trouble at work, but no one in power has the decency to recognize it.

I first had my exchange surgery that was supposed to alleviate the pain. When that didn't work, I was basically dismissed by the plastic surgeon. She conceded to send me to a pain management doctor. However, pain management (in my experience) is a farce. The pain doctor gave me pain medications and injections in my cheat-wall. When the injections didn't help, I was told that pain medications were the only way to solve the issue. I asked about physical therapy or even massage therapy to no avail.

When I returned to the plastic surgeon (and a second opinion) I was given the option of having my implants removed in the hopes of alleviating some of the pain. Once the large ones were removed I had two options: smaller implants or no implants, and therefore no breasts. Fortunately, I chose the unstated third option -- traveling back to Houston for a third opinion. That is why I had my most recent surgery.

This surgery has been a partial success. My new breasts are smaller and the flaps healed well. However, the root of my problem -- pain, numbness, and tingling -- still persists. That unfortunate fact sent me to Supportive Care at Houston and ultimately to my awesome physical therapists here locally. I have made pronounced improvements according to my PTs. However, they include recovering from that brutal surgery as improvement. When I first presented to them I could not stand up straight, much less stretch, bend, and move like a normal person. Even they have come to the conclusion that my body didn't read the medical books and is so vastly different it's amazing that I even function.

Even awesome physical therapists are limited in what they can heal. However, combined with an internist who actually listens and knows how to diagnose, I've had several tests to elucidate the cause of my problems. First, I've been told that I have neurogenic changes in the upper branch of my left brachial plexus as a result of my very painful EMG. Now added to that significant dampening if arterial blood flow of my left thoracic outlet (under my collar bone) has been noted via a vascular study. Combined, both of these changes spell disaster for my hands if nothing is attempted.

I've been doing physical therapy since November to try to fix the pain & numbness, but apparently that's not enough. My internist is now sending me to a vascular surgeon to address the arterial blood flow and possibly the nerve changes. I'm scared of another surgery -- especially this kind -- because the lack of marked improvement in the nerves by surgery. The circulation surgery has a high success rate, but I'm not sure what that means as far as pain, numbness, and tingling symptom removal.

I'm so very worn down by all this bad news. On one hand, I am glad to finally have a diagnosis. On the other hand, I desperately wish I didn't have this trouble at all. I wish I could be like the 'typical' breast cancer patient. I think I'm sinking into depression. I don't know what to do. I guess I'll just do as I'm told and wait for the other shoe to drop.