After my surgery I thought things were going to get better relatively quickly. I was apparently wrong. Its been 4 weeks and I'm still on Lortab & Ibuprofen every 6 hours. I'm hurting a lot more than I anticipated... I'm pretty sure I'm hurting more than the doctor(s) anticipated as well. Yesterday, Dr. B ordered a CT scan to check on the conditions of my innards. The CT scan revealed that I have an abscess, an infection of my tube (that's supposed to have been removed), or an accumulation of fluid on my right side. I go tomorrow to have an ultrasound to see about differentiating which problem it is.
I'm pretty bummed out about all this. I have hot flashes too. I'm just not so happy. To start with I was told to expect a laproscopic procedure combined with my reconstruction with a 2-3 week recovery phase. Instead I ended up with a laparotomy with 5 days in the hospital & at least 6 weeks recovery and no completed reconstruction. Even though I knew the surgery went poorly, I still expected to have my usual quick recovery. Not so. When the pain (for me) outlasts the pain medicine the doctor(s) give, its a really bad sign.
I feel like my body has betrayed me. I mean, it was bad enough to get cancer while I was pregnant & in my (late) 20s. Then it was bad to find out that I'd have to have "permanent" silicone implants instead of using my own tissue. Then I didn't heal quite as quickly as I wanted from the mastectomy/reconstruction. Now, I made the difficult decision to have my ovaries out thinking it'd be an easy procedure (I was assured of it by several doctors and lay-people), only to have it back-fire on me. I feel awful. I feel ugly. I feel defective. I feel depressed. I feel like I'm a bad mom b/c I don't have much maternal desire right now. I'm just miserable.
Rachel & Simon are doing great though. Simon's still not potty-trained, but he's extraordinarily intelligent! Rachel is growing like a weed & learning to stand & even walk. Andrew's being great too. He's still unemployed, but we're spending a lot of time together!
Erika, I'm so sorry that you're having such a rough time. Cancer sucks! Of course, all the crap that goes along with cancer also sucks! Although I don't know all the details of your particular situation, I can assure you that you WILL feel like yourself again...I promise. There is no doubt that it's an uphill climb, but things will level out soon.
ReplyDeleteHang in there, you're doing great.
If I lived closer, I'd come and take the kids for a few hours so you could rest. It's OK to feel blah, indifferent and exhausted.
As part of my complete cancer care, I also had access to a psychologist who specialized in cancer patients. I must say, I was very glad that I could make an appointment with him. He really helped me put things into perspective. If you have anyone like that who you could possibly see...take advantage of it!
Anyway, I'll quit babbling now!