Depression alert

Depression alert: the following is depressing, so if you're already depressed do not read. My cancer has ruined life as I knew it. I leave tomorrow for surgery #5. The pain is intense. The suck factor is major. Yet, I know I have blessings aplenty. It's just hard to see them through this cloud of tears. 

One thing I can tell you is that cancer really let's you sort the true friends from those who only pretend to care about you. Some 'friends' practically run screaming shortly after diagnosis. Some 'friends' are all sympathy & kindness while you're obviously ill & in treatment. The latter are the ones that cause the most pain. You come to rely on having these 'friends' in your corner, but heaven forbid your illness last longer than anticipated. Sadly I've found a few of these so-called 'friends' lately. It's even worse when these 'friends' kick you while you're down. These latter 'friends' are the ones who care when it's convenient for them or when it makes them look good. There are only two ways to keep these 'friends': have a text-book illness & recovery or die.

True friends are the opposite. They wait in the silence until you call on them. They give freely without thinking of the cost or what's in it for them. I've been blessed to have a good number of true friends. I am ashamed by my own lack of action towards some of these true friends. I hate to give excuses, but I have been so focused on my own recovery that I've let some of my true friends sit in the furthest corner of my mind. I think of these true friends when I get depleted of my will to fight. Just knowing there are true, wonderful people out there helps me cope. Thank you to my true friends. I'm sorry I've not been such a great friend back, but I promise that if/when I recover I will thank you to the best of mmy ability. For now you're in my prayers.