Last scheduled ultrasound today

We get to see Rachel again today! We're expecting her to be even bigger! Hopefully nothing much has changed except her size! My appointment isn't until 330 this afternoon, so I still have quite a while to wait! I've already had my cherry Coke for the day though! She should be jumping! :-) I just hope the contractions haven't done anything to me or her! I want her to come *on time*!!! This is our last scheduled ultrasound b/c my last chemo is on Monday! Yippee!

I entered a contest on Facebook today. Its for HugAMonkey - they make baby slings that I absolutely LOVE. Anyway, the contest was to paint a pregnant belly. Here's the result!

Since Rachel is due on Thanksgiving Day I figured there was nothing more appropriate than a turkey! It was actually really fun to do! If we win I get two free HugAMonkey slings! Today is the last day to enter! I hope it works!

Almost too cool

I feel like Goldi-locks. Yesterday, the weather was beautiful for having the windows open & enjoying the outdoors. Today I'm actually a bit cold. Of course, that's perfect for the Hoppin John soup I'm making w/ a side of corn-bread. I've got my little boy in his race-car bed taking a nap & then we're probably going to try to go outside & enjoy the fall weather. I've actually got laundry drying outside. The wind isn't blowing like yesterday, so I'm not sure the laundry is going to dry. Oh well, I have a dryer, I just love the idea and smell of outdoor fresh laundry. I'm going to go enjoy it!

Windows open!

Today was a great example of God's air conditioning! The windows were open, the trees are still green - although they're turning, the breeze was steady, and overall it was a beautiful day. For most of the afternoon I sat out on my front porch on my canopy swing enjoying the outdoors. Hopefully I'll be able to do the same tomorrow!

I had a blood test today & my levels are slighly low, but not low enough to cause any concern. In my opinion, they're low enough to account for my exhaustion (altho everyone else seems to think I've got plenty of other things to cause that exhaustion too) and the fact that I just can't seem to get enough rest. I'm going to keep trying to be restful though. In one more week I have my last chemo treatment until after Rachel is born! Yippee!

An early morning in L&D

Contractions woke me early this morning (around 130 am). Before I woke Andrew I'd had at least 3 within an hour & 1/2. Dr. B was adamant that I go to L&D if that happened, so I did. They hooked me up to monitors to check Rachel's heart-rate & to see the regularity of my contractions. The problem was they had a hard time positioning the monitors b/c my belly isn't all that huge. The monitor seemed to miss most of the contractions I felt. To be on the safe-side, Dr. Newton (on call for Dr. B) ordered all kinds of tests. The fetal fibronectin is supposed to be 99% accurate of predicting labor for 2 weeks. It was negative (ie - I'm not going into labor in the next 2 weeks). Rachel was firmly closed inside with no changes to my cervix. Another great thing. They even tested me for a UTI & any signs of infection. Everything was negative. Yippee! This visit to L&D again confirmed that as SOON as I get to the hospital for delivery I'm getting an epidural! Bring on the drugs b/c some of the things they have to do just to check me out are definitely more than just a little uncomfortable! We spent about 3 hours there and although I'm still a bit miserable, at least I know that Rachel isn't coming any time too soon. We're all taking naps now (even Simon altho he pretty much slept through the whole episode). Bleh!

Bye Joe!

Today we made the trip to Madisonville to wish Joe farewell. We ate a El Bracero - definitely a sacrifice on my part since I hate Mexican. We had a pretty good time. Simon was a demon though. He's suddenly gotting into a phase where he screams a high pitched scream whenever he doesn't get his way. Mom came w/ us & she even had to take him outside to 'talk' to him. That's a first for him. On the way home, Simon was so tired he was trying to fall asleep. However, mom & I sang silly songs to him to keep him away so he'd nap once we got home. He's sleeping in his race-car bed now - thank God! I'm going to rest too. Its amazing how so little can make me so tired. Oh well, its par for the course I guess.

Day of rest - kind of?

We didn't do much today. Mostly I marked that today is the beginning of mine & Rachel's 31st week together. Simon is growing in leaps & bounds as well. So short of helping my kids grow and basking in their glow, I did nothing of note. Rachel is trying to help me type this as we speak. As active of a kicker as she is, she'd better come out w/ good muscles! I guess I'm going to go feed my boys their supper. Have a great night!

My big girl!

I checked in w/ Dr. Briones today for Rachel. She had my charts from when I was pregnant w/ Simon so we got to compare. Rachel is actually bigger at this stage than Simon was by a full week! Dr. B was a little concerned that I'd actually lost weight since my last visit. However, I've gained about 15 lbs. I'm about 10 lbs less w/ Rachel than I was w/ Simon at this point. Since everything is going ok w/ Rachel, everyone is fine w/ it. Dr. B was great w/ the fact that I'm on track to gain about 25lbs w/ this pregnancy - well w/n the normal limits! So basically, everything is going well! Go Rachel go!

Reminder to live life fully...

IF I HAD MY LIFE TO LIVE OVER - by Erma Bombeck
(written after she found out she was dying from cancer).

I would have gone to bed when I was sick instead of pretending the earth would go into a holding pattern if I weren't there for the day.

I would have burned the pink candle sculpted like a rose before it melted in storage..

I would have talked less and listened more.

I would have invited friends over to dinner even if the carpet was stained , or the sofa faded.

I would have eaten the popcorn in the 'good' living room and worried much less about the dirt when someone wanted to light a fire in the fireplace.

I would have taken the time to listen to my grandfather ramble about his youth.

I would have shared more of the responsibility carried by my husband/partner.

I would never have insisted the car windows be rolled up on a summer day because my hair had just been teased and sprayed.

I would have sat on the lawn with my grass stains.

I would have cried and laughed less while watching television and more while watching life.

I would never have bought anything just because it was practical , wouldn't show soil , or was guaranteed to last a lifetime.

Instead of wishing away nine months of pregnancy , I'd have cherished every moment and realized that the wonderment growing inside me was the only chance in life to assist God in a miracle.

When my kids kissed me impetuously , I would never have said , 'Later. Now go get washed up for dinner.' There would have been more 'I love you's' More 'I'm sorry's.'

But mostly , given another shot at life , I would seize every minute, look at it and really see it . Live it and never give it back. STOP SWEATING THE SMALL STUFF!!!

Not much to say...

I don't have much to say today. I had my blood tested w/ the same ole same ole results - low normal. No problems there. We also got to listen to Rachel (to make up for not getting to hear her Wednesday) who is also doing really well! Other than that I don't have much to say.

Simon is learning new things though. He's progressing onto colors now. He has a Ford tractor (blue), Case tractor (red), and a John Deere tractor (do I even have to say what color it is?). He can now pick whichever color tractor I ask him to pick. I'm so proud!! This proves 2 things - 1) he's definitely not stupid & 2) he's definitely not color blind! Both are really good things to know! He can also do his color trick w/ his 'bed of nails' pounding toy (its got red, yellow, green, & blue 'nails' that he hammers in). He can so far differentiate and knows 4 different colors! I don't know when that milestone is supposed to happen, but I think he's doing pretty well! I'm so proud of my little boy - he's growing up so quickly!

A prayer for all...

Dear Lord, I thank you for this day. I thank You for my being able to see and to hear this morning. I'm blessed because You are a forgiving God and an understanding God. You have done so much for me and You keep on blessing me. Forgive me this day for everything I have done, said or thought that was not pleasing to you. I ask now for Your forgiveness.

Please keep me safe from all danger and harm. Help me to start this day with a new attitude and plenty of gratitude. Let me make the best of each and every day to clear my mind so that I can hear from You.
Please broaden my mind that I can accept all things.
Let me not whine and whimper over things I have no control over. Let me continue to see sin through God's eyes and acknowledge it as evil. And when I sin, let me repent, and confess with my mouth my wrongdoing, and receive the forgiveness of God.

And when this world closes in on me, let me remember Jesus' example -- to slip away and find a quiet place to pray. It's the best response when I'm pushed beyond my limits. I know that when I can't pray, You listen to my heart. Continue to use me to do Your will.

Continue to bless me that I may be a blessing to others. Keep me strong that I may help the weak. Keep me uplifted that I may have words of encouragement for others. I pray for those who are lost and can't find their way. I pray for those who are misjudged and misunderstood. I pray for those who don't know You intimately. I pray for those who will delete this without sharing it with others. I pray for those who don't believe. But I thank you that I believe.
I believe that God changes people and God changes things. I pray for all my sisters and brothers. For each and every family member in their households. I pray for peace, love and joy in their homes that they are out of debt and all their needs are met.

I pray that every eye that reads this knows there is no problem, circumstance, or situation greater than God. Every battle is in Your hands for You to fight. I pray that these words be received into the hearts of every eye that sees them and every mouth that confesses them willingly..
This is my prayer.
In Jesus' Name, Amen.

Unplugged - TG!

Today wasn't a good day, but it wasn't a horrible day either. It was just a day. I felt sick most of the day, but the positive aspect was I got unplugged. I also got my new head-scarf from FranceLuxe. They have a program called GoodWishes where they donate a free headscarf to chemo/cancer patients. Its really pretty and worth $74 on their website! With the scarf they sent me a card signed by various members of the company w/ good wishes hand-written on it. Very touching!

I'm really touched by how compassionate people are. I never really had the opportunity to notice before. Its kind of sad that until something bad happens, most people (myself included sadly) never really see all the good that people in the world accomplish. Its kind of like we never see all the beauty that God has blessed us with until its almost too late. We tend to focus on the negative aspects of life instead. What a waste of our God-given world to only see the negative. Its hard though to see through our pains, sufferings, inconveniences, and single-mindedness. I hope I'm learning through this experience to appreciate what I have more than ever.

I was emailing back & forth w/ a friend who has been having some health and family problems recently. She too has decided that priorities that seem important when everything is going 'normally' don't seem so important when you realize how fleeting life is. Some people are so blessed, yet they refuse to see it. Other people are looked down upon b/c it seems they were dealt an unfair hand, but live life to the fullest. I don't wish hardships on anyone, but I do wish awareness to everyone. Awareness of the awesome nature of God and His creation. Awareness of the silver lining in the darkest of clouds. Awareness of the love people show complete strangers (as well as family & friends) daily. In the words of Tiny Tim - "God bless us - everyone!"

Day 3

Well, I'm definitely not in as sour of a mood today as I was yesterday. I'm sure mom & the rest of my family are glad about that! ;-) I'm still sore & in new places, but I think I've come to terms w/ it now. We're on our way to go get my pump changed out, then its back home for me to rest some more. Actually, as we speak I'm cooking some supper for my wonderful husband & adorable son. Gotta love crock-pots! That's still considered resting, right?! I just stink at this being 'sick' stuff... Oh well, I guess I still have plenty of time to learn! Have a blast everyone!

I'm kind of disappointed. We didn't get to hear Rachel's heart-tones today b/c Dr. Briones office was crazy full. I felt (and still do) her kicking and rolling around though, so I'm sure all is still ok. We're going to go Monday to hear her probably before I have my blood tested.

I cooked up something pretty good tonight... Love crock-pots! I put a jar of spaghetti sauce, 1 lb of smoked sausage (the bit - like polish sausage), 1 cup mixed bell peppers with onions, a can of mushrooms, 3 cloves garlic (I LOVE garlic), and a 1/4 cup of chopped banana peppers in the crock-pot on high for 3 hours. Then I cooked a box and 1/2 of Rotini pasta until it was al-dente and added it as well. I added a dash of Italian seasoning, Oregano, Basil, & Majoram to help season it. I ended up cutting the sausages into bite-sized pieces. It was good just like it was, but I think it could also had been a bit better with some parmesan cheese. It was just a bit sweet (not real sure where the sweetness came from), but I like it that way! To go with it, I made some Texas Toast and some broccoli, cauliflower, and carrot mix with Italian seasoning. A decent balanced meal that both of my boys ate!

Birth plans

I figured this was a good place to store my birth plan for Rachel...

My plan this time is:
1) No inducement/augmentation before Nov. 18 (the day Andrew & I met), preferably not b/4 Nov 23 (St. Rachel's feast-day) or my EDD of Nov 26 (Thanksgiving). We need to do everything in our power to make sure I don't go into labor any earlier than Oct 22. PLEASE unless absolutely necessary NO C-section!
2) Have pedi do extremely thorough check of Rachel to ensure no underlying problems caused by chemo. Dr. Houston is already on board for this!
3) Make sure I don't bleed to death or get an infection. Be sure to check my blood levels and administer anything necessary to keep both me & Rachel healthy. Chemo is hell, but losing a baby at that point and/or my life would be even worse!
4) Epidural ASAP please - all these procedures I've had lately w/o anesthesia SUCK!!!
5) Hubby is only one allowed in room until well *AFTER* I'm cleaned, stitched (if necessary) and ready.
6) Dr. King is allowed *NOWHERE* near me unless I'm absolutely dying & he is the *only* person who can save me.
7) My mom is my substitute if DH can't help me through labor & delivery. MIL is to stay out in the waiting area!
8) Let's get this baby out safely & deal w/ what comes as it comes!
9) I want as much contact as soon as possible w/ Rachel, but if I'm exhausted Andrew can do what he feels is best! I'd love to be able to give her the 1st bottle she ever gets!
10) THANK YOU! THANK YOU! THANK YOU! To everyone for helping me through all this!

Chemo day two - bleh

This is going to be short. I'm feeling miserable, whiny, grumpy, and b*tchy. Dr. M thinks the soreness isn't just from over-doing it on Tuesday. He thinks its also from one of the chemo drugs. If it is the chemo affecting me this way, it won't be going away any time soon. So I have a prescription for pain. Bleh. Blah. Ugh. So far I've taken two pills & its had no effect except making my head 'fuzzy'. Oh well... Have a blast - hope you're doing better than me!

Pay-time

Well, I think my weekend caught up with me. I woke up exceptionally tired this morning & even more sore in my legs, hips, and belly than on Sunday. Then I had to go get plugged in for my chemo. Its not too bad, I'm hoping to have a good bit of rest this afternoon so hopefully the whole week won't be a down week. I'm afraid of starting too low energy-wise b/c the chemo does drain me so much. My blood levels were good though, so that's definitely a positive note. Rachel was also a positive - her heart rate was in the 150 - 160 range which is exactly where she's supposed to be! Oh, & I'm up to 157 lbs (started around 135-140 lbs)!

Brenda (MIL) had to take Simon back to the doctor today. The rash seems a bit better, but the steroid reaction & whinyness & stuff isn't any better yet. Dr. Houston says it was a virus w/ a rash/hives. I asked about the hand, foot & mouth thing going around, but they're pretty certain that's not what he's got. They did blood work & the results indicate that its a virus and nothing else. Its not contagious either, so we're all safe! I hope he starts feeling better soon b/c I want him to be happy.

We don't regret doing anything this weekend. It was worth it for the babies & for the class of 1999! We had a great time and saw so many people! It was great to see everyone come out to support life & reminisce. A big thanks to the RTLO group & the class of 1999 reunion committee!

Long, busy, wonderful day!

Today started fairly early for me - 8 am is when I got up. Simon & I got ready and left the house by 9 am. We got to Lourdes for the Walk for Life around 9 30 am. Once we arrived & checked in, we mingled w/ all the people we knew there. Krystal, her mom, & grandma - as well as the whole crew from St. Alphonsus & St. Elizabeth - were there. Lucas went with his dad to a car show. My mom & dad were there & had brought Evan & Corbin so Chris & Jill could walk with them. We were a little disappointed b/c our police escort didn't show up on time. However, the walk went off without a hitch. Mom & I only walked 1/2 way (all the way to Wesleyan Park Plaza, but not back). Simon stayed in his red wagon w/ Chris, Jill, Evan, & Corbin and finished the walk. The St. Alphonsus group won the T-shirt contest again! I was so glad they gave me a shirt too! Simon & I unofficially joined their group right before the walk. We had a great time.

I left Simon w/ mom & dad so I could do some resting before my reunion. I'm not very good at resting though. I started getting restless, but I did lay down & rest for a good while. Then it seemed like no time at all & I needed to start getting ready. Beauty does take time - especially when you're 6 months pregnant & bald! ;-)

We got to the reunion & it was great to see so many people from the class of 1999! Everyone looked great & seemed to have a great time. We had a great turn-out it appeared. I was kind of worried whether people would actually remember me. I was pretty much a wall-flower in high school. I had my steady boyfriend, my horses, my athletics, & my academics. I didn't do much else. However, it seems like everyone at least had a passing knowledge of me & me of them. The internet is great for that kind of thing too! It also seemed like my class has been very producive at creating the next generation! Lots of us either already have kids or have one on the way! It's wonderful to see that! I think Andrew even had a decent time. It was early when we left, but it had been a full day & a good day, so that's what matters!

We came home & picked Simon up from mom & dad's. I think he was glad to see us, but it was hard to tell. He's been a bit fragile lately. We're not sure whether its his allergy (that we're not 100% sure if or what it is) or if there's something else going on with him. When we finally got home he didn't want to settle back down. Andrew has a sneaking suspicion that Simon is actually somewhat allergic to the steriod, like Andrew is. He was wailing and just unhappy no matter what we did. Finally Andrew held him in the recliner until he calmed down & went to sleep. He's in his bed now, quiet and sleeping. Hopefully he'll stay that way. Now I just have to convince Rachel not to beat me up too badly tonight!

Unknown allergy?

This day didn't go/start out like I thought it would. The last couple of days Simon has had a rash on his body - particularly in his diaper area, but also on his chest, belly, and back. We thought it might just be heat rash, so we've just been keeping an eye on it. This morning the rash was turning bright red and covering his whole body - even his face. So mom called his doctor's office to get a sick-baby appointment. However, they're in the process of moving their office, so they were closed for the day. We ended up taking him to Convenient Care. After a protracted wait - thankfully spent in an exam room - the doctor came in and pronounced that it was an allergic reaction to something. We're not sure exactly what b/c as far as we know, nothing has changed. Anyway, he has a prescription for decadron (a steriod) that should take the itch and redness out within a day or so.

Hopefully, we're still on for tomorrow's Walk for Life. Then Andrew & I will be going to my 10 year class reunion. We're really excited b/c no only are our friends, Krystal & Lucas (her son) coming to the walk, also my uncle Chris and his family are coming. We're going to bring our red wagon so that little man can rest his legs for a while if needed. I'm kind of worried about me more than him though. He's got all kinds of energy, but I don't! I'm sure it'll work out!

29 weeks!!!

I'm 29 weeks pregnant today! In 11 weeks I hope to be enjoying my delivery of my perfect little girl! Most other people will probably be enjoying Thanksgiving dinner &/or football! I don't mind & I'm pretty sure Andrew & the rest of the family doesn't mind either.

I'm so relieved that Rachel is doing so well. I don't have the results of my gestational diabetes test, but I'm guessing that since they didn't talk about it, I'm ok. I surely don't need any other complications! Rachel is measuring ahead which is great! I'm pretty sure Simon measured about 2 weeks ahead the whole time too, so I'm not too worried. I'll be exceptionally glad if she's over 8 lbs. That will solidify that the chemo had no effect on her! However, even if she's 7 lbs plus she'll be right at average & close to Simon's size. I can't wait to meet her.

I'm still having some nightmares about silly things. I wake up in a cold sweat thinking Simon is suffocating in his crib - so I have to get up & go check. Sometimes I wake up shaking & trying to make Rachel move b/c I dreamed that she got the cord wrapped around her neck. I didn't do this so much w/ Simon, but I've had this since b/4 the cancer diagnosis. I think its somewhat normal from what I've read.

Rachel is breech right now. She's got her feet dangling in my pelvis & thoroughly enjoys bouncing on my bladder & other parts down there! Dr. B isn't worried at all tho, so I'm not either. The last couple of days she's gotten kind of uncomfortable though. I hope she rolls around better soon.

I get to see Rachel!!

I'll update later, but I'm excited to get to see Rachel again! My appointment isn't until 1130, so I won't know anything until later! I've gained weight (cause I ate like a pig this weekend), so I'm betting she did too!

Simon had a bit of a rough night for no apparent reason. At 10 pm he started screaming. I thought I had him soothed, but as soon as I got lotion on my feet (my bed-time ritual), he started again only worse. I'm wondering if he's having nightmares or something. We did finally get him soothed around 1130. Then at 430 this morning he started shrieking again. Again, a simple soothing wouldn't work. After we finally got him calmed down again it was almost 6 am. Of course, then Andrew couldn't get back to sleep, so he got up. I'm not exactly sure when they left, but I went back to sleep! Gotta love not having to get up for work in the morning!

We're also really excited to report that Rachel will have a boy cousin in January! My brother & his wife are finally having a boy! They have a 3 year old girl & an 18 month old girl! We're not sure what his name is yet, but I think it's going to have Will in it somewhere! LOVE IT!

UPDATE: Rachel is measuring ahead & big at 31 wks 4 days and 3.59 lbs! Everything looks great! Dr. Briones is pleased as punch with how Rachel is growing! I even gained some weight this time!! I'm really interested in comparing mine & Simon's measurements from his pregnancy!

Another week has begun

Well, I know officially the week starts w/ Sunday, but since it was a holiday weekend - this is the beginning of the week to me. I'm feeling pretty good. Of course, that's the way it always works. I get to feeling pretty good & then I get my hiney kicked by the chemo! Oh well, I guess its better than the cancer kicking my hiney! ;-) Tomorrow we get to see Rachel on ultrasound again. Hopefully she's still doing good & growing well. I'm pretty sure that's the way it'll be. I think I've even gained some weight. I should have - I ate like a pig all weekend!

Reunion wear...

I have decided to go to my 10 year high school reunion. I was feeling pretty bad the other day & was strongly considering not going. However, I've gotten so much feedback from my friends that I changed my mind. Yesterday mom & I found the perfect shirt for me to wear. It hides my 6 month preggo baby bump quite nicely & is also glitzy enough for 'cocktail/dressy' wear! Now my big decision is what hair to wear! :-) I'm also trying to see if I can find a head-scarf that will coordinate well enough in case the wig gets too hot. Anyway, here are the two wig styles in my reunion outfit. I will be wearing more make-up so try to ignore the washed out face!

Wig option #1 - I can tame the big-hairness of it down in the back some. This one is a bit lighter than my natural hair w/ highlights in it. Its also wavy - something my hair is naturally NOT!

This is wig option #2. This is more typical to what my hair naturally looks like - pretty dark & very straight. Its a page-boy cut I think. Its also the one that I was wearing when mom took the picture from Look Good Feel Better.

Mom thinks the 1st one is more flirty/sexy & I have to agree. To be completely honest, these pictures don't really do the outfit justice. However, I had my mom take them so I could show my husband. The shirt has oranges, pinks (dark magenta actually), blacks, and even a little bit of brown.

Trials = strength & humility

One of my on-line friends posted a quote indicating that God gives us trials to make us stronger. I agree with the sentiment, but I also think there's a corollary. The trials God gives us also keeps our pride in check. Most people pride themselves on taking care of themselves, by themselves, without relying over-much on anyone else. However, when something comes up like a serious trial in our life, we learn quickly that 1. God uses them to make us stronger, 2. God can help us, and 3. God gives us friends and family as helpers.

I'm guilty of pride most of the time. I absolutely HATE to ask for help. Even now when I feel as weak as a kitten half the time b/c I'm exhausted, I'd rather do things myself even if it wears me out & takes forever. However, I'm trying to get over it. I know that my family & friends are more than willing to help me out. Part of my problem (which goes back to pride) is that I don't like for people to put themselves out for me. I'd much rather be the one doing something for someone else. Sometimes thinking that way can place more importance on self than on the actual favor they're doing. I'm currently asking God, not necessarily for healing (although that would be GREAT!), but mainly for help. Not only do I need help doing some day-to-day tasks, but I also need help dealing w/ everything that's going on, and maintaining what I've already got.

I know that I'm tremendously blessed to have what I have - even w/ the complications I have in my life right now. Actually, the complications are giving me the opportunity to count my blessings. I have a wonderful husband & son, as well as a daughter on the way. My parents are exceptional. We have a good home. I have awesome co-workers who are actually friends instead of mere co-workers. I have great friends - some that I've met face-to-face, but also ones that have offered their friendship through the internet. In general I'm a very lucky woman.

Sometimes people comment that they think I'm a hero. I appreciate the sentiment, but I'm no hero - I'm just an average gal who sometimes seems to have a good way of dealing with things. People face more substantial challenges every-day than mine and they do a better job dealing with it than I do. However, we are all called to do the best we can with what we have been given. I've been given more than some and possibly less than others. However, what I've been given is PERFECT for me. Thank you God & everyone!