Just had to get these off my chest...

As I went to bed last night a few things were running through my mind. Selfishly enough, my main thoughts were focused inward - how my fingers & toes were tingling, burning, or just plain numb, how my hair hurts even though what I have isn't really enough to call hair, etc. However, another of my thoughts - while still selfish - was somewhat focused heavenward. I was wondering if I'd prayed enough w/ my little ones & husband. This got me to contemplating some things...

I'm sitting here, while not particularly miserable at the moment, pretty uncomfortable due to my cancer treatment. I know there are any number of women (probably men too - though they don't admit it as readily) who are sacrificing their sweet tooth in the name of fitting into a particular clothing size or look. There are any number of men (and women too) who exercise to the point of pain again for a particular look or clothing size. However, I don't know many who allow that same amount of discomfort for their Faith. Yes, we 'suffer' through an hour of Mass on Sunday and maybe pray for a few minutes every night. However, when we're suffering for the sake of health or beauty (handsome-ness for the men), do we ever consider the great gift we've been given by God by our very existence?

Really, we don't need to do much of anything different. We just need to be mindful of God's grace in our lives - even when we'd rather crawl into a hole & ignore everything. Sometimes in our struggles we find God - ie in devastation like Haiti or illness. However, when things are smooth we generally putter along as if we're in control & we are responsible for our good fortune. While all the good in our lives (and some would argue even the bad) is due to God, we give Him very little credit.

After those thoughts (actually some of that came to me just now, but the beginnings formed last night) last night I had a dream as well. In my dream there were two little girls - probably aged 3-4 or so. They were mine somehow (perhaps they were the dream personification of my lost babies) and playing happily in our home. Then another girl appeared about the same age, but she had an otherworldly aspect to her that the other girls didn't. She was holding a candle. I didn't recognize her, so I asked who she was and what she wanted. She announced that she was the representative of all the murdered babies. She looked at me and said "God is good. God is great. God is Love. Love Creates." She glided around a bit and played w/ 'my' girls for a while. By the end of the dream they were all chanting, "God is good. God is great. God is Love. Love Creates."

I'm not typically one to believe in ghosts or even messages or dreams from God to ordinary people. However, this struck me as being particularly telling since this week is the memorial of Roe vs. Wade. There are probably millions (I'm not up on my statistics) of babies who've been legally killed by their mothers "choice". These mothers forgot that even if they did not intentionally become pregnant - God intended each & every one of those babies to enjoy His creation and love. They forgot that God is Love and He loves us all - no matter how small. Much like Horton informed us in "Horton Hears a Who", "A person is a person, no matter how small." Sure, some would argue that while still in the womb the unborn child is not truly an independent person. However dependent the unborn is on its mother - my newborn 7 week old daughter is pretty much just as dependent on me (or another adult). Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. fought for civil rights for the African American people. His niece fights for the civil rights of the unborn. In my opinion, his niece's fight is all the more vital to the American people (and the world in general) because if we can deny rights to these most vulnerable of people, who is safe? Especially since (and I'm pretty sure of this statistic) a large percentage of abortions are perpetuated on African Americans.

So while you (and I) try to suffer a bit for God's sake instead of just our own, perhaps we should also suffer for the most vulnerable of us all - the unborn.

FWIW My blood test today was good. Rachel has become the unofficial therapy baby of the Owensboro Cancer Center. While the vampire's stick me, mom takes her back to the chemo room. By the time I get back there several nurses have passed her around and patients are impatiently waiting to get their hands on her as well. My little chemo baby is hopefully brightening some other cancer patients' days!