He's learning so many words. Mom & I are keeping a running list & I think at this point there are over 50 words on there. In the last week or so, he's gained a bunch of words that he actually uses frequently. He's even perfected some of them - 'lawnmow' has now become 'lawnmowa' (gotta love the little Southern accent already). He's also experimenting w/ putting some words together like 'big boy' to describe himself. Of course, he still has a lot of random gibberish that I don't understand along w/ some 'sign' language that completely baffles me. However, overall I think he's very proud of himself for being able to communicate. I know Andrew & I are very pleased w/ his progress.
Rachel seems to be getting impatient b/c she is almost constantly exerting more & more pressure on me. More than half the time I feel like she's using my insides as punching/kicking bags. I have contractions on & off - most are the harmless Braxton Hicks type, but I'm afraid some of them are the more serious type. However, so far I've not had any more alarming ones that make me sure I need to go to labor & delivery.
I'm feeling a bit nervous about Rachel's delivery. For some reason (probably my cancer/chemo riddled brain), I'm paranoid that something bad is going to happen to one of us. I know that besides the chemo I'm a pretty healthy person, but the newness of this experience has me worried. I try to avoid reading all the problems that can occur, but I just can't seem to get them completely out of my mind. So far it seems like I'm the only one that's worried though. Dr. M & Dr. B seem completely confident. Andrew & my family seem pretty confident too. I'm going to have to trust God to take care of us (w/ a little help from Dr. B & Dr. M).
Even though I feel like I've grown since my diagnosis, I'm still riddled w/ uncertainty & probably a bit too much pride. I still want to do most things myself instead of accepting help. I'm also still having a bit of trouble letting go & letting God. Somehow I think that my pitiful attempts will be better than God's Almighty efforts. It doesn't make logical sense, but then again, I'm human... I just keep praying that I'll come out of this difficulty a better person in Faith, Hope, & Love. Those truly are the greatest virtues you can have I think. However, I think a good dose of Humility would do me some good too! ;-) So those of you out there praying for me, don't just pray for healing or strength, pray also for humility and understanding.
Thank you so much & know that even if I don't know you by name, I pray for you (w/ Simon & Andrew) nightly! Without the support of so many people, family, friends, and even strangers; we would have never been able to come this far. I get a lot of people telling me how strong I am and/or what an inspiration I am for handling this, I know that I'm not doing it by myself. Its God's help through prayers of people like you that helps me get through each day! Thank you and God bless!
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